she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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