I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
