True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
