Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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