He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
