Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
