I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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