I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
