the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
