I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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