The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
