she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
