I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
