You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
