I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
