The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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