turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
