Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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