apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
