You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
