you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
