I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
