"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
