ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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