OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
