here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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