this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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