Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
