i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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