Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
