I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
