when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
