Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
