You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
