I just cut my nipple shaving
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
