i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
