I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
