Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
