can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
