i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
