If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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