I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
