So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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