he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
