He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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