he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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