Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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