If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
