Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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