dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
