If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
