Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
