Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
