i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
