I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
