she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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