But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
