Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
