Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
