I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
