yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
