i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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